Why You Can’t Get Over Your Ex

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When you think back on relationships we’ve had and the reasons why you were together and the reasons it fell apart, it’s easy to think of specific moments in time you shared with a person and why they mean so much to you. No matter what period of time you spent with someone, there are moments that are special and unique to your relationship with that person.

Now, I am in a very happy relationship, but I’ve definitely had my fair share of breakups. We all went through that awkward middle school or high school relationship where you didn’t really talk and suddenly it was over before you actually even started a relationship. Most of us have also had a relationship fall apart that meant a lot to us. It’s hard getting over it and you know why? You’re too stuck in your own head.

1. You are too stuck on memories- When you go through a breakup, it’s easy to remember all the good things and not the bad when it comes to thinking back on relationships. Rather than realizing that the arguments are why it fell apart or that differences caused separation, you think about all the days you spent at the beach and laying in bed with that person. Those are the things you loved, but there’s a reason it ended.

2. It’s still recent- It’s hard to let go when it’s still fresh. Do your best to let go a little and think of yourself. You’ve got to give yourself time.

3. It was the first love you had- This is difficult because that person shared moments with you that no one else will be able to top, they were your first experience with love. Appreciate the time you had with them, but realize that things end and you move on to something better. They’ll always mean the world to you and it will always sting a little bit more, but it’s important to look forward.

4. You won’t get off of their social media- DROP THE PHONE. SHUT THE LAPTOP. When you spend so much time keeping up with their life on social media, you’re not focusing on getting over it. You’re probably dwelling on that girl who thinks she’s an Instagram model who keeps putting those stupid little heart face emojis on his pictures or that guy who used to always be around when you were dating who is suddenly trying to swoop once your relationship fell apart. If you stop thinking about them and start thinking about yourself, it will make you fell a lot better.

5. You want what you can’t have- It’s human nature to want the things we are unable to have. Instead of wanting the 100 billion other people out there, we are consumed by the fact that we can’t have that one person.

6. You’re still thinking back to things you could have changed- Sometimes things fall apart and don’t work out. If it just didn’t work, don’t overthink things. If you did something stupid, hopefully you apologized, but hopefully you won’t make the same mistakes in your next relationship. 4. You’re denying your feelings- If you’re upset, be upset for a day. If you’re angry, it’s okay to be angry. If you don’t get it out of your system you’re never going to feel better. Faking happiness isn’t going to do anything good for you.

7. You realize what you took for granted- Those days you chose to stay home instead of going to breakfast. The fights you had over stupid things that could have easily been avoided. All those moments you wish you could have changed.

8. Stop trying to be 100% over it, it probably won’t happen- It’s too hard to be entirely over a breakup. That person knows you better than anyone, it’s too difficult to completely shut out every memory you have with them.

9. You’re still hooking up with your ex or being ‘friends’ with them-Having sex with your ex = NEVER GOING TO GET OVER IT. Sorry, but it’s the truth. If you’re still hooking up, how do you expect yourself to be able to move on and get over it?

10. Quit thinking about how happy they are without you- If you think about being happy in your own life and you wish the best for them, that’s one thing. If you won’t stop thinking about how happy she looks in all her pictures or all of the fun things he seems to be doing without you, you’re going to drive yourself crazy.

11. You’re obsessed with their new “person”- It’s easy to stalk people on social media; as much as you want to stock his new girlfriend and find the ugliest picture you can of her to make yourself feel better or her new boyfriend who is a huge tool, don’t. It’s not their fault. Your failed relationship most likely does not fall on them, so don’t take it out on them.

12. It’s easy to think there’s a time limit for when you need to be over them-You don’t have to be over it by tomorrow or by the end of the week or month. Do your best to be happy with where you’re at and stop focusing on how much time you have left to get over it.

13. You’re still stuck in relationship mode, enjoy being single-Go out and enjoy being flirty. Take your girlfriends to a bar and have a good night, get dressed up. Go out and meet some girl who makes you smile. Someone new and fresh will help take your mind off of it.

14. It’s time to work on a new you, but you’re too stuck on the old you (AKA the person you were when you were with your ex)- Go to the gym. Buy yourself a new outfit. Cut your hair. Go on a date. Try something different. Do what you need to do to make yourself new and fresh. You’ll feel better, trust us.

15. You’re probably a little bitter-Sometimes you have to accept that it is over. You also have to get over the fact that some things just can’t be fixed. Instead of being mad at that person for whatever you think they did/ did wrong, focus on getting over it.

16. Put away all of those nostalgic items- Keeping out all the old pictures, sweatshirts, and little items from him or her will only make it harder to move on. Get a box, fill it up, put it in your closet, and don’t take it out. Spare yourself the memories.

17. You’re keeping it to yourself- Talk to someone you’re close with. Share with someone you trust. Talking through it over a carton of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. I bet you’ll feel way better after you talk it out.

18. You don’t want to let go- You’d rather hold on to them than let them go because they’re comfortable to you. They make you feel at ease and happy.

19. You’re stuck in limbo- You’re in between being broken up and getting back together. You think that it’s possible for you guys to work things out, but most likely it’s better to be broken up.

20. You refuse to be alone- If you always want to rush into rebounds and new relationships, you’re never going to have the opportunity to grieve your relationship and get over it. Take some time for yourself.

I'm the founder and Editor in Chief here at Cosmia Magazine. I'm currently an undergraduate student at SDSU where I am studying Speech Language Pathology. I am part of Pi Beta Phi here in San Diego, have my own photography website called Kaitlyn Photography, and love to write. I am a coffee fanatic, love the beach, adore mom & pop breakfast restaurants, and think a picture is worth a thousand words.