Relationships Are Work

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I’m realizing more and more that relationships require so much work. Work… this implies unhappiness, day jobs that last 9 to 5 and take up most of your week, and a lot of effort that you have to put in for what? What do you really have to show for it? Well– relationships are great in a lot of ways and in other ways they can be really hard and sometimes force us into a corner where we may be unhappy. Relationships really aren’t supposed to be easy and if they were so easy, they wouldn’t hold as much meaning as they do.

Now, I’m young and I have had my fair share of young love, relationships, casual dating experiences, and those first dates you never want to talk about again. Basically what I have noticed is that relationships require an exertion of effort that some people just don’t want to put in. When you go to bed and your girlfriend doesn’t want to sleep with you if you’re a guy and you get pissed because she doesn’t want to have sex with you for some reason, you’ve got to think about why– what am I doing wrong and how do I fix it? Well, the answer is effort. At some point, relationships pass the puppy love stage and turn into something more seriously where you actually have to do something nice for the girl you’re with or the guy you’re with. It works both ways. You give some, you take some.

Relationships are like really complicated friendships + a lack of clothes on an occasional / regular basis + a total lack of personal space. You need to be open enough with your man or woman to talk to them about what’s going on in your head and work on that push and pull, give and take type relationship. I bet it’s a pretty safe assumption to say that it’s important to you to feel special and that it’s better than feeling uncomfortable or unsatisfied with your relationship. Am I right? It’s work to communicate, but it is so important.

You need to make your partner feel loved and special because that’s exactly how you want to be treated back! Be there, listen, do something sweet no one else would do for them. Make them laugh, bring them lunch, take them somewhere special, something!

Finding out what makes your special someone feel all warm and fuzzy inside takes some work sometimes. You are going to have to compromise and have a few test trials to figure it out. But we have faith in you! You can do it. Their happiness shouldn’t fully rely on you, but, you should be a contributing factor to their happiness if you’re their special someone. You guys need to find a happy medium when it comes to activities you both enjoy and the amount of time you’d like to spend doing them.

If you’re the type that wants to stay up to all hours of the night, drink lots of alcohol, and dance like a wild woman, good for you. But, if your partner likes to go to bed early and cuddle and watch movies, it’s important to compromise with him and make sure both your needs are being satisfied. Go out once a week and stay in once a week. It’s not the end of the world.

Relationships test you in extreme ways at times and it makes you realize that people are not moldable to what you would like them to be. There are rigid edges that can’t be sanded down sometimes. Sometimes, you can’t handle it and sometimes compromise allows you to look past it.  Everyone has their moments when they disagree and they fight, but that is to be expected. Work on your open communication skills and it’ll take you a long way.

It’ll all pay off in the long run, but don’t rush into it. Take your time and feel your person out. It will be much more beneficial in the end if you guys are both on the same page and have had a steady progression into your relationship instead of rushing it.

Hello everyone! I'm nineteen years old and attend UCSB where I am studying journalism and plan to receive a minor in communications. I am a photography enthusiast and love living by the beach in IV.